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The Future Of HR: Around The Working World In 80 Days

ballooning-canterbury

Years ago I read a book by a futurist named Faith Popcorn. That was the author’s name, not the book, though I could understand any confusion. Grammatically, I should have said that “is” the author’s name, not “was.” I presume it’s still her name? I’m guessing that it hasn’t always been her name. Things change. I think the book was called ‘Clicking’ and it was about things changing.

The book was published in 1998, the same year my son was born. I was enthralled at the prospect of the trend spotting and changing world outlined in the book and how to prepare for them. I was less enthralled by the early years of raising a child and I wasn’t changing the world nearly as often as I was changing nappies. (Although, they both needed changing for much the same reason.) Gweneth Paltrow won an Oscar in 1998 which, if nothing else, proves that anything is possible so there is cause for optimism. And the whole ‘raising a child’ thing distracted me from the top song and album of the year being by BoyZone and the BeeGees. The BeeGees – in 1998! Damn it New Zealand, c’mon.

To be honest, I haven’t gone back and read the book. I was just reminded of it by the topic of this month’s issue – the working world in 2016. Not wanting to ruin the magic of magazine publishing but this article’s deadline for the February issue was last December. So, in a way, I had to wear my ‘futurist’ hat. Although, if I was genuinely a futurist, I’ve had known two years ago that hats and beards would make a huge comeback and I’m both hatless and beardless. Trendiness-aside, I’m OK with that. One trend I do recall, even now, from Popcorn (not her real name) was ‘cocooning.’ Even before the internet really kicked in and the terrorism / media combo made everyone scared of their shadows, she projected that people would go out less often. Bigger houses, wider TVs, home delivery of food, and so forth were clues. Almost two decades on, we have to give her a big tick on that one.

What I liked about her style was / is that she then outlined her thoughts around the implications. I see she now runs a web service, no doubt prognosticating on the implications of drones, big data and printing our own food and pancreases. (Is that the plural of pancreas? I never thought I’d need to juggle multiple pancreases.)

I like movies set in the not too distant future. Bladerunner had a hyper-present Asian culture and some pretty bleak climatic consequences. Minority Report has Tom Cruise running from the authorities, only to have a sentient vending machine scan his retina without him opting in and suggest he purchase his favourite beverage whilst at the same time reporting him to the cops. Elysium had Matt Damon working a terrible job manufacturing the robot security guards that would oppress him and protect the pampered elite living in the clouds.

Malcolm Gladwell in his book ‘The Tipping Point’ wrote about ‘Coolhunters’ – marketing people whose job it was to trawl the streets and clubs to observe the hippest people, what they were drinking, wearing and doing, then projecting that into the next big thing on a scale. That’s a real thing and now big data makes it all the more rapid and accurate.

So, how does all this relate to the world of work in 2016? We’re past the 2015 date Marty McFly and Doc went forward to in ‘Back To The Future.’ Technically, we do have hoverboards but they’re $15,000 and they only work while over a sheet of copper. They do come with a sheet of copper but it’s only a metre long, so if you’re into remaining motionless about four inches about the ground, this may be next year’s Christmas gift for you. (Assuming you’re into Christmas or allowed to even say that word at work. You might have one of those “Season’s Greetings” situations. Or should the apostrophe in seasons go after the s if we’re incorporating every culture’s shindigs and shenanigans, then we’re probably in for more than one season of festivity. Frankly, I’m also OK with that. Better than hats and beards.)

Work 2016 – look for big data or a lite kiwi version of it impacting recruitment. Think Tinder but for workers. (If you want to hire me, you have to at least buy me dinner first.) Look for greater entrepreneurship amongst young people. It’s dangerous for society to have swarms of directionless under-employed youth without structure. That’s how gangs, terrorists and acting schools recruit. Look for European Governments initially to finally tackle that problem creatively, provoked by the refugee and terrorism situations. Eventually we’ll try some of those ideas that we were probably doing before 1984 anyway. Look for new jobs that you cannot believe exist. Faith Popcorn is spotting a trend for hot sauce sommeliers in restaurants. (Syrians could do that?) Look for whatever the next ridiculous fashion trend that supercedes hats and beards.

 

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The Future Of HR?

flying-car

(Reposted from my column In ‘Employment Today’ magazine Feb 2015)

I misread the topic suggestions from my editor. Apparently one of the themes of this month’s issue is ‘HR 2015’ and not, as I read it in a hurry, ‘HR 2115.’ It’s not a great excuse but it’s the best one John Key could give me in a hurry. I was in a hurry and I misunderstood the question!!! So, integrity issues aside, stand by for an indepth and scarily prescient overview of HR in the next century. Although, HR will have to take a step back to make room for the next genuinely flourishing corporate department RR (Robot Resources.) And no, the robots don’t like being referred to as resources either. They prefer ‘Cybernetic Capability and Development.’

They won’t all be biped, terminator-type robots (although your boss probably will be – seriously, who is going to beat a terminator for any job, except perhaps another even more aggressive terminator?) The terminator managers won’t be doing the heavy lifting but they will be exponents of MBWA – management by wandering around (albeit wandering around heavily crushing human skulls underfoot.)

Robots are a very broad church. Churches themselves are very open to new technology and were one of the early adopters of wireless EFTPOS in their collection plates. I’ll always remember smiling as one parishener took the EFTPOS handset out of the collection plate as it was passed to him, holding it so he could enter in his PIN, then using his other hand to shield the entry of his PIN. First from the side, then from above as if he was attempting to prevent God spotting his PIN. A lovely disconnect between archaic belief systems and modern realities.

I have one client today who even makes robots. I was MCing their conference, had a bit of time on my hands and was perusing their brochure to see if I could customise a joke or three. The index promised me robots on page 64 but what page 64 delivered was more of an ATM. It was for people who take so many meds that they can’t keep track of them over time or even within a given day. The robot / ATM was 300% more productive than a pharmacy assistant and 100% accurate. These will be things I’ll be looking for from my med supplier in 2115 when I’m 148. I’ll still be working as the retirement age will be 167 by then. You’ll be able to retire at 165 but the weekly amount will be proportinately less accordingly. You’ll still be able to ask Peter Dunne about it. He’s already a robot.

The term robot is short for robotnik, from the original Czech meaning ‘slave.’ Humans won’t be wage slaves in the future. Mere monetary remuneration will have expanded to include other more valuable credit such as life-units. You can treat yourself on payday by going to KFC and ordering a sugary thickshake with extra cookies crumbled up into it. They won’t be all nanny state up in your grill with patronising nutritional information. They’ll treat you like an adult. They’ll charge you ninety seven united earth dollars and take seven hours off your lifespan (as will the thickshake.)

I read recently of an HR / recruitment expert / consultant who dramatically reckoned that you only need to ask a single question in any job interview. “Walk me through your professional career from the very beginning until now.” I get what he’s saying and I think it’s a strong point. By 2115 though, the makers of the casual sex hook-up app ‘Tinder’ will have monopolised the world’s HR industry with their recruitment app based on Tinder. For those of you who don’t know, the GPS in the app can sense that there is someone else in the neighbourhood who has made themselves available and you are presented with a pic and mini-bio of various potential hook-ups. You swipe left to reject them and swipe right to accept. Very, very few people are murdered as a result of hook-ups using this app. Common sense and morals aside, you can see the obvious use for filtering CVs. Gone will be the three piles of paper CVs – yes, no, maybe. (Yes, we all know you print them out. The complete absence of trees in 2115 is mostly your fault.) Gone is the kidding yourself that anyone in the ‘maybe’ pile will ever get a chance, or even acknowledgement of their existence. Lots of swiping left will mean lots of HR folks will develop repetitive strain juries but they can have that arm replaced with a robotic one, although the marketing team will refer to them as “bionic arms.” While they recuperate in private day clinics, they can watch the top holo-tv show of the day in which young people battle for the 6 entry level jobs a year still available to humans. One of which will be writing this column for Employment Today magazine. There will be a televised fight to the death. I’m quietly confident; You don’t get to 148 without being able to win televised fights to the death.

So, yeah, good times.

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###END### (Reposted from my column In ‘Employment Today’ magazine Feb 2015)

 

 

 

 

 

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